I’ve been crying in public a lot recently. From sadness, grief, beauty, and the ache of just being alive in this world. A couple of weeks ago in Abby' Kraai's class I started crying in child’s pose and the tears didn’t stop there. I was in Warrior II with tears literally dripping off my chin. At the grocery store a woman couldn’t reach the top shelf and asked if I could help her. I did, and as I walked away I found tears streaming down my face. Riding my bike across the Tillicum bridge and watching the setting sun with all it’s layers of meaning... more tears.
This morning at Floyd’s coffee on Morrison I watched a clip of Trevor Noah talking about another shooting where a black man was wrongly shot and killed by police officers. “You start to realize that really, the Second Amendment is not intended for black people. It’s an uncomfortable thing to say, but it’s the truth.” I started crying uncontrollably.
Mark Nepo says that sadness, silence, and great love open us. Buddhism has a similar list of qualities: sadness, love, and openness. I can’t contain the gravity of all this emotion. I don’t even want to, I guess. I’d rather be raw and messy than numb and disassociated. I know there is a middle ground, and that I may not always be crying so prolifically. But so many people I interact with are bottled up or think it’s cool to be ironic or blasé.
I’m going to keep on feeling my feelings, crying in public, and being a force of honesty in the world.